If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
