im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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