I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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