she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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