dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
