honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
