Whats the glycemic index on semen?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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