Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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