Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You may now shotgun with the bride
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
