I think I died a long time ago.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
