I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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