I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
