new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I did not marry a roomba.
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