The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
