your thong is hanging out like whoa
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
