When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
