I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
