i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i dont even know how to be here
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
