if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
