you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
