He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
