I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize