You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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