Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
