i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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