8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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