garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
