I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
