we have pet lesbian snakes
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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