you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
