So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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