She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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