Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
