Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
