She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
