I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
