I'm really into asian looking animals
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
A+ Viking dick
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
