also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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