Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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