whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I have demons in me.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
