There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
