I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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