They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
