Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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