I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
