Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
