So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
