Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
