I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
