If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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