Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
