I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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