So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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