sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
