it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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