my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
