WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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