the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
