i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
