Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Can't talk, ducks in the car
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
