I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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