O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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