Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
