Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
