It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
