Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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