I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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