Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
