You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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