she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
