whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
